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Marriage: God’s Design for Male-Female Relationships, Part I

Before I delve into this massive subject, let’s lay a foundation and define what marriage is

meant to be.

As I have previously mentioned, I was raised Catholic, and in the Catholic tradition, marriage is

called Holy Matrimony, and it is considered one of the seven sacraments.  For those who

may be unfamiliar with the sacraments, they are rites believed to be a means of divine grace or

a sign or symbol and a spiritual reality. For Catholics, marriage is understood as a sacred

bond instituted by God.  It is a lifelong, exclusive partnership between one man and one woman

and meant to guard them from sexual immorality.  It is for the procreation and education of

children.  This union is considered a covenant and is meant to be a manifestation of the love

that Christ has for His Bride, The Church.  It is also intended as a source of joy, strength and

holiness for the couple and their community. 

In the Protestant tradition, marriage is considered a sacred institution initiated by God as

demonstrated by the creation of Adam and Eve.  They believe it is similar in all points, with the

exception of it being a sacrament. Rather the Protestant tradition emphasizes that it is a

covenant, a solemn promise made to God and before God.  Several covenants appear

throughout the Bible that God made with both individuals and groups, therefore by using those

as examples, we see that God is willing to help His people and provide for His people as they

trust Him.  This can be an encouragement for couples as they pledge their forever love to each

other, joining hands before an all-powerful God. 

While I prepared for my first marriage – which was in the Catholic church – I was just 19

years old and full of trepidation. My husband’s dad and my step-dad both struggled with

alcohol addiction at the time, and we agreed to get married as a way to distance ourselves from

them.  This was reason number one, NOT to get married. But wait!  There are more.  My

boyfriend was handsome with thick dark curly hair.  He also had a job, which meant he had

money to take me places.  Plus, we would ride to all those places in his cool car.  What more

could a girl ask for?  I later learned a critical issue that would follow us to our new home, the

over consumption of alcohol. After over fifteen years together, he left me and our two children.

As he packed his clothes, he drank four beers within 20 minutes.

About two months later, I was sitting in a Catholic church, asking God to put my family back

together and the Spirit of God spoke to me.  At that moment, I came into my personal

relationship with Jesus Christ and He gave me His Spirit. I started my new life, my born-again

life. I tell people I’ve been walking three feet off the ground since 1986 and I haven’t come

down yet!  Three months later the divorce was final. Even though I believed God could put my

family back together, He had a different future in mind for me.

Eight years later God called me to start a Divorce Recovery Ministry at my church, and I was

privileged to do so and as I did, I learned much more about marriage and male-female

relationships.  Primarily, that your desire for marriage should be to honor God with your

relationship.  It should not be to remove you from an uncomfortable situation, or to ride in

a cool car or anything physical. While I was single, an older and wiser Christian woman told me,

“Don’t marry anyone until you can do more for Jesus together than you can do by yourself.”

And as God would have it, I did just that in 2001.

Twelve years of ministry to the separated, divorced and single parents was a very special time in

my life, because not only did God give me the spiritual gifts of Faith and Administration for that

ministry, He allowed me to learn so much in the process and provide an avenue to hundreds

of hurting people who were seeking hope and healing.  We offered DivorceCare, which was a

13-week video series featuring experts on various topics related to issues surrounding

separation and divorce.  Then each week we would go into small groups to discuss the video

and how the information could help them.

After a few sessions, participants were excited about what they were learning and started

asking what else they needed to learn to have a healthy and long-lasting new relationship.  So

we started offering additional classes on dating and new relationships. One of these courses we

called, Oneness and we based it on the book by Myles Munroe, Single, Married Separated and

Life After Divorce.  This teaching encouraged individuals to find their identity in Christ first, and

to be separate, unique and whole in Him.  That is when you are truly ready for a healthy, Christ-

honoring relationship.

Leading this ministry focused on relationships and having a passion to serve God, including teaching others what marriage is meant to be, is what motivates me to write about this topic.   In my experience, many who believe they are Christians – Christ followers – are really not.  Again, as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, there are varying definitions of Christian.  A true follower of Christ is someone who actually knows where He (Jesus) is and where He is leading them. This is someone who reads their Bible regularly and allows the indwelling Holy Spirit to be their Teacher and Counselor.  When you meet those qualifications, THEN you are a Christ-follower. 

You can attend church regularly, but if you never open your own Bible during the week, all you take in is the World, the Flesh and the Devil, because that’s where we live, in Satan’s kingdom.

Before my current husband and I married, we participated in not just one, but two pre-marital counseling studies.  One we did with a Christian counselor at our church an another we did with a mentoring couple at another church.  I cannot emphasize strongly enough, that pre-marital counseling is a MUST.  Whether for a first marriage or any marriage beyond that – especially for any marriage other than the first.  Because life in the world is compounding.    

As life happens, remembering we all start out in Satan’s kingdom, there are many opportunities for bumps and bruises along the way.  Maybe your childhood and your dreams were shattered by your own parent’s breakup, problems with alcohol or drugs, any form of abuse, abandonment or difficulty with teachers or peers in school.  All this and more affect our perspective on our future, with marriage and family relationships being critical to lifelong happiness.

I will go into detail about why and how to lay a great foundation for a successful marriage in Marriage, Part II.